The hardest things in the world are the ones you can't control, trust me of all people I understand this saying more that most people.
PLEASE KNOW THIS IS GRAPHIC DETIALS THAT ARE NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN TO READ SOME PARTS ARE DISTURBING.
As you have read my relationship with my husband has been very rocky, with medical and emotional issues. This time I'm taking you somewhere thats very near and hard on my heart......
My Pregnancies!!
I have been pregnant four times. But before I get there I'll start from the begininning.
When I was seven I started what doctors thought was my cycle, but then soon came to realize it was something wasn't right. I had many test and ultrasounds done, doctors came to the conclusion I would likely never have children of my own without fertitlity help and even then my chances were extremely low. So basically I was told not to count on ever getting pregnant.
I lost my virginity at 17 but I was always very smart about using protection just in case. In Dec. 2005 when I met Robert he told me he had a kid from his 1st marriage. I then told him I wouldn't ever be able to have children. Three months later the one time we had a slip up and didn't use a condom I was late and took a test. To my surprise came back positive. I then went to Robert at work and told him, went home and told my parents. The next morning I took another. Same answer. So we went to Planned Parent Hood (PPH) to make 100% sure. I took their test and they called us into the room and asked if this was a planned pregnancy. We of course said no and she then said and I quote "Oh really? In that case You're NOT pregnant" We were releived at the time and decided I should get on some birth control. So that next day or so I had the IUD put in.
Five months of horrible pain and a nasty smell I went in and had it removed. Within 24 hrs they called and asked me if I knew I was pregnant and that the fetus was dead. Horrified I asked them if their was anyway to know if it was before or after I had the IUD in, they of course said no. But I knew in my heart I really was pregnant and they had killed my baby, but proving it would be a challenge so I vowed to never go back to PPH. I would go accross the street to The Care Center. I was 3 weeks along
Two to three weeks later I was pregnant agian. It was so quick I barely had time to know. I took a test came back positive within 3 days. I was having really bad cramping and heaving bleeding I went to the ER and was told I had a miscarriage. I cried and took it pretty hard. I was only 4 maybe 6 weeks along
A year later I got pregnant agian, this time I was over 6 weeks pregnant when I found out and was real excited. But I was taking depression meds and they caused my uterus lining to be too thin. I never would have made it too term. I was 9 weeks.
My last pregnancy was the hardest. I got pregnant just 2 days before we were to get married. This one I knew almost right away but I only had 1 test say yes the other 15 said no. So I didn't have a 100% yes till I was about 6 weeks. This pregnancy was scary for me because I wasn't with Robert and I had had 3 previous pregnancies that didn't go to term. So I got straight into the OB and told him about the other 3 and he wanted me on bed rest.
I couldn't do that. I was single living with roomates. I had to work or I would have no where to live. So he said ok but I was on light light duty no lifting over 15lbs and not to be on my feet more than 10-15 min at a time. I'd also have appointments every week to watch the pregnancy closely.
16 weeks along the person I was suppose to be working with didn't show to work so I was at work with the residents all alone. When I went to put one to bed they fell on top of me. I immediately called the owner had them come over and I went straight to the hospital. They did an ultrasound and the baby was fine. I found out it was a boy. We later named him Aiden.
The next day I went to my OB and he scolded me and really pushed I go on bed rest. I said I would in a few more weeks once Robert and I moved back in together. He said that was fine, but now I would not be able to be on my feet more than 10 min a day and no lifting more than 5lbs.
So I continued to work for the next few weeks. Then yet again that same person called in and didn't show for their shift, so I had to cover mine alone and theirs. I was about 2 hrs into the graveyard shift and another resident had fallen on the floor. I called the owner to come get them off the floor and the owner said they weren't coming, that I needed to deal with it. I was so pissed off. I went into the residents room and tried to get them off the floor. It took me forever. Finally when I got the resident onto their feet to sit in the bed they lost their balance and fell smack ontop of me. Once I finally got our from underneath them and into bed I called the owner agian and said they needed to send someone over the resident had fallen on me and I needed to go to the ER. The owner said I should have called 911 to get the resident off the floor and not done it. I thought you M.F.'er!! Why didn't you say that!! 45 min later my relief person shows up, I called the hospital and they said if the baby is moving he's fine and I should go home and rest. So thats what I did because the baby was moving a lot.
The next morning I got up and he wasn't moving. I called Robert he told me to go in. I went to the ER and they couldn't find his heart beat. They did an ultrasound and he wasn't moving. He had died. His embilical cord wrapped around his neck and there was no way to have known. I was 21 1/2 weeks.
Now two years later we have been trying and trying, no luck. I had fertitliy drugs and then surgeries. Now we are hoping more then ever to get pregnant. We've been married a year in a half and have been through so much pain. Since my surgery in Jan 2011 we have been trying without trying. We are waiting on the Clomid and then hoping to get pregnant.
So please all I ask if next time you become pregnant or have an abortion remember there are many people out there just like me who are unable to have children of their own without help from doctors and even then don't get pregnant. If you or someone you know is pregnant and dont want the baby please consider adoption. The moment of conception it is a baby. I dont care what the courts or demorcrats say you at one time were that fetus and your parents called you a baby.
Thanks for reading and your support. If I offend you I'm sorry but this is my blog and my life. And this is how I feel. I dont judge you if you have had an abortion, one of my best friends has had one. It's your choice what your choose, but know 8 of 10 woman regret having an abortion. And of those 8 over 1/3 will commit suicide. Some won't be able to have kids agian due to an infection or mal practice. So really think.
Rachel
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